Tuesday, 30 September 2008

• Fireproof?

  With the recent promotions and showings of the movie Fireproof, which I still have yet to see, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about the concept of fireproofing a marriage. My first thought was that fireproofing is impossible. There are many measures you can take to make your marriage stand strong despite fires, but marriage itself can never be completely fireproof. Marriage is made of two humans who, despite God’s saving grace, are sinners. Disagreements, failures, and trials will come. We can’t prevent the fires, thus it’s never really fire proof. While talking this over with Aaron, he reminded me of one of the lines from the movie trailer. “Fireproof doesn't mean the fire never comes, but that when it does, you'll be able to withstand it.”

   

  I don’t claim to be an expert on the building of fire resistant homes, but I am guessing that a 100% fireproof house is nearly impossible. The  whole structure would have to be made of nonflammable materials such as concrete or brick. Indoor walls and trim would also have to be nonflammable. Every item in the house would need to be flame resistant as well... fabrics, furniture, and all belongings.  Any appliance or heating source could not be an open flame source or exposed elements. I am sure there are many other issues that I don’t even know about.

   

  However, while it may be impossible to ensure your home is 100% fireproof, there are still many measures you can take to protect your family and home from the total destruction of fire. Installing smoke and heat detectors will alert you to a fire before it consumes you and your home. Drafting an emergency plan will equip you and your family to act quickly and safely, in the case of a fire. Storing your most important documents and sentiments in a fireproof box protects them from destruction. Using flame retardant materials within your home will decrease the number of items the fire can build upon and spread through. Most importantly, taking proactive preventive measures can avoid a fire in the first place.

   

  Most of us would never ignore the smoke detector no matter what hour of the day or night it goes off. In the same way, we must always be alert to the little hints or feelings that things aren’t quite right in our marriage and not just brush it off. I’m not talking about made up suspicions brought on by unfounded distrust, but real promptings from within that things just aren’t what they were or aren’t what they should be. Smoke alarms are known to sound off if the batteries are weak, or even not function at all, if the batteries are dead. If our spiritual batteries (prayer,  personal relation to God, etc) are dead or weak, we may set off false alarms caused by insecurities, or we may miss the alerts altogether. Sensing the detector calls for action. Of course, it’s not a time to panic and overreact, but rather to evaluate the source of smoke and grab the extinguisher of prayer, genuine love, and communication, even if it just seems like “burnt toast”.

   

  Many families have emergency plans to follow in case of fire. This allows every member of the family to know ahead of time exactly what to do and how to get to a place of safety in the quickest way possible. Perhaps it’s a good idea to come up with a plan, as a couple, of what we will do if a fire should become too big for simple extinguishers.  Perhaps we should consider the “what ifs”. What if one of us falls into depression, sin, or apathy? How would we like the other to respond? What if we can’t reach common ground on important issues? At what point should counseling be sought? Having a plan of action laid out before the destructive fires come may make the journey back to safety quicker and more efficient.

   

  We all have important documents, and most of us probably keep them in a fire safe box to protect them from the destruction of fire. There are many truths that are easy to forget in the midst of the raging flames of emotions that accompany relational fires. We should protect such truths as why we married, Who brought us together, Who holds us together, and the covenant we made with each other, from the destruction of our emotions. We need to store the truth that we are both human, both fail, and both need a true friend who will not let us drown in defeat. These truths, along with many others, will be the glue that enables us to stay committed, through Christ’s strength. If we allow the flame to destroy them, our marriage may be destroyed as well.

   

  Building a house with as many flame resistant materials as possible helps preserve the structure in the midst of fire. Our marriage needs to be built of a flame resistant structure as well. A marriage built on lust or selfishness will not withstand the harsh flames of fire. Only the marriage built on a genuine love through Christ will remain when all else falls apart. Our interests should not be self centered, but rather centered on God’s interests for each other and for us as a couple, allowing God to love our spouse through us.

   

  Perhaps the most important rule of fire safety is simple prevention. Do not leave matches lying around. Keep your chimney clean and soot free. It’s the little preventive measures that keep fire from coming in the first place. There are preventive measures we can take in marriage as well. We need to guard ourselves from those things that would destroy our love and trust in each other. Keep pornographic materials out of our home. Avoid conversations with friends that encourage us to tear down our spouse or that cause us to feel discontent with them. For me personally, I have to avoid movies that center around a spouse’s secret affair. They tend to plant seeds of unfounded distrust, suspicion, and insecurity in my mind. These are some things we may need to not do to prevent fires in our marriage. But there are also active things we should do as well. We need to purposefully love on each other, build each other up, and choose to believe the best about each other. We have to purposefully take the time and effort to spend time alone as a couple and keep communication open. But I’m realizing more and more that the most important and effective preventive measure is prayer… for myself, for my husband, and for our marriage.

   

  Marriage is such a precious thing. It deserves our utmost. As Warren Barfield points out in his featured song, “Love is not a fight, but it’s worth fighting for”.

   

   

   

  Love is not a place
  to come and go as we please
  It's a house we enter in
  then commit to never leave
  
  So lock the door behind you
  Throw away the key
  Work it out together
  Let it bring us to our knees
  
  Love is a shelter
  in a raging storm
  Love is peace
  in the middle of a war
  And if we try to leave;
  May God send angels to guard the door
  No, Love is not a fight
  but its something worth fighting for
  
  To some love is a word
  that they can fall into.
  But when they're falling out
  keeping that word is hard to do
  
  Love is a shelter
  in a raging storm
  Love is peace
  in the middle of a war
  And if we try to leave;
  May God send angels to guard the door
  No, Love is not a fight
  but its something worth fighting for
  
  Love will come to save us
  If we'll only call
  He will ask nothing from us
  but demand we give our all
  
  Love is a shelter
  in a raging storm
  Love is peace
  in the middle of a war
  And if we try to leave;
  May God send angels to guard the door
  No, Love is not a fight
  but its something worth fighting for.
  
  Cause I Will Fight For You
  Would You Fight For Me
  It's Worth Fighting For.

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